I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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