My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
