My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize