so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
