You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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