Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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