My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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