drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
