yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
