I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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