Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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