I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
