it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
