Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
