OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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