i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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