I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need water and some morals
Randomize
