one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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