whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
