guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
