i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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