He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
wow bdsm is so cute
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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