The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
