Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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