Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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