I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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