Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
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Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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