my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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