Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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