I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
