The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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