my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
