This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
