You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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