Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
porn star boner night. come get it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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