but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
