he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
