Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize