I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
