i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
