theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
