On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
