So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
