I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
