So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
