I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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