she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
