She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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