I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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