just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
