You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
