It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
