So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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