Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
