i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
