Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
