YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
