a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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