It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
