Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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