lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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